“Time out” is a tool we usually use with kids when they are having a tantrum. Kids don’t know how to talk about their frustration at a certain age. They express it by yelling, crying, and throwing themselves to the floor. Desperate parents come and ask what I should do to stop him. As psychologists we say, first, try to hug them. If that doesn’t work, give them some time out. Take, however you can, the child to a different place. Away from witnesses of this behavior and wait until he calms down. Don’t try to engage with him during the tantrum.

Is it ok to ask for time out?

I have been asked several times whether it is ever ok to use this same tool with adults. Is it ok to walk away from a fight? My answer has always been the same. Yes. It is. Why? Well, I am convinced that we need to choose our fights. If you find yourself arguing with someone aggressive, ask for a time out. Stop it there.

You should take a break from a heated argument. The goal-oriented problem-solving person you are disappears. You shut down when you feel the strong negative emotions linked to fights. A time-out becomes necessary when one or both parties are extremely triggered. They are no longer capable of having a productive conversation.

I think taking time out is essential. When the argument is heated, my adrenaline level rises. In these moments, I can’t think clearly. As a result, I take a “time out.”

If I want to resolve the conflict, I need to use this time out productively. I need to cool off an already painful situation. Often, the solution to relationship conflicts is to have more communication. However, it does not always depend on one side. You can’t force anyone to come to an agreement.

Time out is not “the silent treatment”

There is an enormous difference between taking a moment, time out, and being silent. Asking for time out after a heated discussion is a helpful tool for conflict resolution.

On the other hand, in the “silence treatment,” silence is used intentionally to control, hurt, and manipulate the other person. This is an inflection of pain that is purposeful. In the silent treatment, you are withholding love. The persona inflicting this treatment decides the duration of the silence, and it lasts until the target acquires.

When to have time out, and when to let go…

Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment is extremely painful. This silence communicates that the person we care about would rather ignore us than work on our relationship. This type of silence is emotionally abusive. When someone does that to you, rethink the relationship and ask yourself if it is nurturing you in any way. My guess is better just to let them go. Sometimes letting go can be the best you can do.

Being aware of how and when to ask for time out is vital for a healthy relationship. Recognizing when you are receiving the silent treatment is also important. Choosing when to let go is equally essential. This learned ability is a skill that we need to cultivate over time

If you are concerned about how to manage yourself in these situations, consult us at Estrada Vigil & Medical Group. We are capable of helping you.